Ham

This has absolutely nothing to do with knitting. Now that we have that out of the way...

Back in 1985, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant when I wound up with food poisoning. I couldn't keep anything down for eight days and was hospitalized twice for severe dehydration. The last thing I ate before becoming so ill was a meal with ham. I haven't eaten ham since. Oddly, I still eat french onion chip dip...which (eaten earlier in the day) was the actual source of the poisoning. Yeah, I know, it's a mental thing.

Fast forward to lunchtime on a day in January, 2005. I was spending a long weekend in Vegas with a close-knit group of email friends. We were at the Sidewalk Cafe in Bally's. I wanted a sandwich. Scanning the menu, I see two sandwiches under PANINI a la GRIGLIA. OK, grilled sandwich, that'll hit the spot! Panini Giardinare. Perfect! Wait, what's in it? Grilled eggplant, zucchini, fire roasted peppers, provolone cheese and basil aïoli. Eh, not so much in the mood for eggplant and zucchini. What about the other one? Fontina cheese, roasted peppers, tomatoes, olives, and roasted pepper aïoli. Much better. Though I totally didn't realize I'd skipped over the name of the sandwich as I ordered by pointing (I was a little distracted, the waiter interrupted conversation).

So. The food comes out and mine has...MEAT on it. Pink meat. It looks a little like...ham. Uh, what's on this sandwich?? It's not what I ordered! My friends all stare at me. Why would they stare at me? I would NEVER order a ham sandwich. Never. But you ordered the Mortadella Panini . Yeah? So? That's HAM!

Actually, mortadella is not ham, but something even more vile (I'm about this close > < to being vegetarian). Anyway, the offending pink-meated sandwich was removed and I was brought a "Mortadella Panini" filled with nothing but toppings. Yay!

So. Here it is, THREE FUCKING YEARS LATER and my "friends" are still making fun of me. Remember that time Shannon ordered the ham sandwich and then freaked because it was a ham sandwich? Our yearly gathering is coming up and they're all wondering what I'm doing because I've been MIA (with fibery things keeping me) from the list for awhile. I open my list mail folder to a gazillion emails...

subject: [SF] Ham ham ham ham ham HAM DAMMIT Re: OMG
subject: [SF] HAM Re: 9 weeks
subject: [SF] What the HAM is going on here?!
subect: [SF] H(a)mmmmmmmmmmmm (from "Ham, ham bo bamm bamm banana fanna fo ram ram HAM")

and, the fairly innocent looking

subject: [SF] One Word

If I could figure out how to insert it, there'd be a sound file here. My friend Les' voice, drawing out the word "haaaaaaaaaam" in pitiful attempt to sound all breathy and sexy.

OK, are we in middle school? Enough with the ham already! Or I'll be filling my knitting bag with something other than knitting...and just what are y'all going to do when I'm pelting you with diced ham through the Knoxville airport. H(a)mmmmmmmmm?